Hello!
After 2 years of almost non-stop work, I’ve decided to take a break from corporate life again and venture into freelance work once more.
Though I learned a lot and gained substantial friendships from my last full-time job, it ended up consuming me. I wasn’t doing well. I girlbossed too close to the sun, and pushed myself to the point of burnout and frustration once more—just to prove that neurodivergent folks like me can thrive in a corporate setting and feign normalcy. It brought back thoughts and feelings where I believed that my value as a person was tied to my performance at work or school. However, I realized that pushing myself too hard in unforgiving environments is how I express internalized ableism. I need to gradually move away from that, and I need to practice self-compassion.
Anyway, I’m excited to be able to work at my own pace again and help others through my skills and talents on a more intimate level. I am also looking forward to doing a hard reset this time around, where I’m allowing myself to rest and reconnect with the things that matter to me. Who knows, I might complete a book or two during this “break,” or get through episodes of Succession. Anything goes, really.
Before I close this, I would like to remind myself of a few things:
1. Endings are not always bad. While it’s okay to grieve the end of something, these endings are stepping stones to something better and more exciting.
2. My self-worth is not contingent to my performance at various spaces. This is easier said than done, especially when you’ve gotten accustomed to placing your value with your performance at work or in school. I used to think that getting good grades or going above and beyond my duties at work would silence former bullies and doubters and make them like me, but I was wrong. There’s more to that.
I will take this seasonal hiatus one day at a time. Here’s to balance.
Until the next brain dump,
Lea