Hello there. It’s been a while. I’m back from a 2-month hiatus on this platform. I apologize in advance if my ramblings have not entered your e-mails.
As of this writing, a lot of things have happened already, which included the first lockdown anniversary. The stress brought on by the panini has led me to take on a bunch of routines and coping mechanisms, such as going online and chatting with URL and IRL friends, doing digital one-card pulls on the Golden Thread app, cooking, exercising, and doing lots of online shopping. I have also started collecting K-pop photocards, which was actually a hobby that I never thought I would engage in with a certain degree of intensity. I also made a separate Instagram for beauty and fashion, where I post selfies and write product reviews from a chaotic, self-reflexive lens. In between all of this, I’ve also been slowly embracing my role in the household (which has been stressful).
Speaking of stress, the Philippine government announced on Saturday that Manila and its neighboring provinces will be on Enhanced Community Quarantine again by today, which is the highest level of COVID-19 containment measures here in the country. For the past week or so, cases have spiked, and the rising number of cases have brought out a lot of stress, anger, and anxiety in me. I’m stressed and anxious because I’m afraid of getting the virus (and getting seriously ill), and I’m angry because of how my government is responding to this panini (both on the national and the local level). Because of these feelings, there’s this constant urge to abandon all responsibilities. But then again, my Capricorn and air sign placements beg to disagree (along with my bank account).
My key takeaway from all of this is that I still need to be kind towards myself (and others). Kindness can look like the following: taking work breaks, eating the right food, allowing yourself to play games for an hour or two, extending a listening ear towards friends and acquaintances, or even sleeping in. However, expressing myself in a kinder manner continues to be an ongoing struggle for me, especially on the internet. I have this internal debate whether to express myself in my usual, upbeat manner, or do I express myself in a snarky, critical, and nonchalant way moving forward. Over on Twitter, I have mentioned my sentiments about how kids these days are snarkier and gutsier when it comes to expressing themselves. I would like to think that I’m a little snarky already when it comes to sharing my thoughts and opinions on certain issues and topics, but kids these days…their level of snark is something else. Maybe it’s because kids these days (and by kids, I mean Gen-Z) are more idealistic and are more critical with what they consume, which can be attributed to the following: the current global sociopolitical climate, and the proximity to technology and information. However, the downside to all of this is that there’s a lot of tone policing and virtual signaling in consuming media and information, which can eventually lead to this puritanical mindset when it comes to approaching things. Kids, sometimes, you have to accept that life is not all black-and-white. Cut yourselves some slack. With that said, I guess I’ll allow myself to be snarky when I feel like it, and not because kids on stan Twitter have pressured me to express myself in that way.
Anyway, I don’t know where this word salad is really going, so I’ll try to end this in the way that I know best:
1) The PH government really sucks. Take care of yourselves and your loved ones, stay home as often as you can, cut out the Duterte cultists from your life, and hold the government accountable. Also: don’t forget to register to vote and express your grievances about the things that matter to you.
2) Speaking of self-expression, express yourself in the way that you know yourself best.
Until the next brain dump-slash-word salad,
Lea