CW: mental health
Hello there! I’m back. Here’s a rundown of the things that are going on in my life right now, since I have nothing really much to talk about:
I went to proper therapy (as an adult) for the first time. Even though I’ve gone to counseling before, I still feel that I haven’t picked up new coping and management tools when it comes to my mental health. Sure, my previous experiences with counseling may have helped me before by giving me space to vent and sort out my thoughts and feelings about the anxieties and concerns that I have, but at this point, I want solutions and processes that can help me cope with my ADHD better. I don’t want to feel victimized or tied down by my ADHD anymore, and it feels extremely tiring to explain it to everyone around me and then get some form of invalidation in the process. I’m trying to get on to this path of healing.
I started taking up coding! I used to get intimidated by website design and development (and actually hated it when I managed a bunch of websites at an old job), but as a way to ~upskill~, I recently decided to try out coding. I enrolled in Codeacademy’s HTML course to familiarize myself with the coding language and have some know-how about web design. To add to the learning process, I’m thinking about reinstalling Swift Playgrounds on my laptop to enrich my coding experience, since the premise of the app is very enticing (also: anything gamified is a win for me)
Performance anxiety and rejection terrify me. I’m allowed to feel this, but I need to address them in a healthy way (see #1).
Related to item #1, but I recently made the decision to be medicated. As suggested by my therapist, I was recommended to take medication as a way to manage my ADHD. I used to be so skeptical about medication because I was terrified of the side effects. For years, I tried to “manage” my ADHD as naturally as possible with to-do lists and routines, but my therapist and I discussed that talk therapy, behavioral interventions (like routines), and medication would help me best. As of this writing, I’m still adjusting to the medication, but I can see some small improvements in my workflow and in my day-to-day functioning. However, I’m not gonna lie that the side effects of Brintellix have thrown me off at least once, where I’m compelled to rest or include some physical activity into my daily routine.
5. Speaking of routines, I’ve recently developed a routine that can help me structure my day. However, I’m gonna keep it somewhat time-blind and loose to allow myself some self-compassion.
And that’s it for my life updates! I hope you all are safe. I’m sorry if this seemed uneventful.
Until the next brain dump,
Lea