Hiking as a trust exercise

Gemini, play Miley Cyrus' "The Climb"

Last month, I did something that was unthinkable: I went on my first hike and climbed a mountain.

As someone who is extremely clumsy, I developed a learned helplessness towards physical activity and The Great Outdoors.

In recent years though, I slowly tried to overcome my hatred and learned helplessness towards exercise. In 2019, I took a 5-class trial at Electric Studio. It was amazing. During the height of the COVID pandemic, I did at-home workouts and occasional walks. When the world started to open up a little more in 2022, I had a semi-consistent routine of walking from my office to my dad’s apartment when I did in-person work. Now that I’m working remotely again, I have kept this habit of walking as my regular workout. As much as possible, I walk a total of a least 5 kilometers a week, which help me mentally and physically. My walks keep my knees, heart, and legs strong, while also giving me the tools to regulate and self-soothe in case I get stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Walk it out, as they say. However, I will not deny that I struggle with spatial awareness and I still trip in random places occasionally. Not to mention, my past knee injuries were also a factor in how I approach any kind of exercise or physical activity.

Despite my gripes with hiking and other physical activities, I tried to challenge myself with this hike. My basis? Attending the Seventeen concert as a standing viewer. My logic was like, “If I could watch a K-pop concert in the blistering heat with a standing view, maybe I could take on activities that are more physically grueling.”

Now on to the hike prep. I barely had any prep going in, save for a few long walks days before the actual hike. I didn’t know anything about the total distance going in and out of Mount Talamitam, so I proceeded with my usual training regimen of walking a total of 5 km a week. No weights, no breathwork, no anything.

This was where a lot of my errors came in. I went into this hike feeling delusional (and lowkey overconfident) about my capacity. I knew that I was going to make it, even if I showed up to this hike with little to no prep. My 2-3 km walks were enough. I can improve on it over time. Looking back at this experience, I wish I had the delulu and the confidence of a mediocre white man or a nepo baby whenever I take on anything.

The hike itself was a different story. I found myself panicking and crying. My heart rate was HIGH due to the stress that I felt going up (and down). During the hike, I kept worrying about my knees 95% of the time, my proprioception, and my lack of spatial awareness. The weather did not help too, since we started off the hike wet from the rain. Even though I knew that I was going to survive this, I’m not gonna lie that going through the whole hike would actually make me cry and express my fears. My mean inner voice wanted to yell and say, “Tangina ang bobo mo” (What a dumbass) for making a decision. But my inner goodness (which my therapist coined) and my thirst for trying things out won over. I wanted to do things that were out of my comfort zone, anyway. And I did.

Even though I was panicking and crying most of the time, the positive energy that was felt around the hike offset my fears and anxieties. I felt so much gratitude because of the help and encouragement that I’ve received from my hiking group and the local guides. They cheered me on, shared snacks and stories with me, lent me gear, and helped me get to from point A to point B. The team spirit was alive and well! Not to mention, the pit stops and the views from the summit and various parts of the route were rewarding and beautiful. Experiencing nature firsthand felt healing and fun. There were fun kwentuhan sessions with the locals, as well as cute moments with the animals during our hiking route (both uphill and downhill). However, during our last few kilometers downhill, I started to feel intense pain in my knees and legs. Luckily, a car service helped me and another team member get down to the parking area where we parked our van.

The summit

Our hiking group

Despite the highs and lows (literally and figuratively) that came with the hike, the experience gave me a boost in my confidence and a couple of breakthroughs in my own personal journey.

If there are any key takeaways from this, the experience reaffirmed the fact that I am capable of doing many things and that I have to believe in myself more. Even if I experience challenges, I can power through them and survive. I can also get better at doing anything, as long as I keep trying and practicing. After all, as Jezz Chung would say, “we get better at anything we practice.” I will keep practicing so I can get better at anything I can set my mind to.

Anyway, see you at the next hike, perhaps?

Until the next brain dump,
Lea