Girlhood can be confusing, but we soldier on
The new Charli xcx and Lorde collab took me back to my teenage years and my early twenties
For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to process Charli xcx and Lorde’s new song, “The girl, so confusing remix.” This song perfectly encapsulated what girlhood and female friendships felt like for me during my teen years and early twenties. Now, I’m here to unpack it, just as I push closer to thirty.
To be honest, I still think about my teen years and my early twenties a lot. Maybe it’s because I still feel a great deal of FOMO and cringe about it, especially when it comes to building my career, my skillsets, hobbies, social skills, and relationships. I used to be super hard on myself (well, I still do) because I seemed very desperate to establish a connection with others. However, as I’ve gotten older, these “acts of desperation” were driven by feelings of fear and shame. Case in point: the fear of not having the social skills to navigate Girl World and missing out on barkada-like experiences, as well as the shameful feeling of “not having friends.” Not to mention, I spent a lot of my pre-teen and teen years being the object of ridicule among my busmates or bus friends, where I felt like they couldn’t take my ambitions and my feelings seriously. To remedy this, I had to overcompensate. I had to achieve things for myself in order to feel seen and respected by others. If I achieved something, I would be bullied less and be seen as an “equal.”
But then again, finding your own tribe is a lifelong journey, with lots of real life challenges and experiences thrown in. I’ve come to make peace with the fact that my social skills and overall maturity will develop when I’m in my thirties. Or that my true friends are not from one clique—they come in many places, such as work, online, or school. Or that my friends may not be online or available to talk to all the time, but they appreciate me and accept me wholeheartedly.
I guess I’m not the friendless loser that I thought I was. I have friends and people that love me, and that I’ve reached a level in my life where it’s okay to communicate your needs in different areas of your life.