2024, you allowed me to bask in the silliness

A year-end essay entry of sorts

During an office event at the start of 2024, I shared to a few colleagues that my theme for 2024 revolved around the experience of “making things enjoyable.” However, what I really meant by that theme was dogshow—a slang term coined by Sassa Gurl that connoted the idea of poking fun or playing around with situations, both good and bad. It also meant that I didn’t want to take myself too seriously. I just wanted to enjoy and trust the process, instead of overthinking and being shackled by others’ opinions of me.

It’s easier said than done though. Despite basking in the silliness in the most random of situations, there were also significant moments where I found myself overthinking conversations and holding myself back due to the opinions of others more than I should. As a result, I might have strayed away from my goal of enjoying certain things for far too long.

An example of this would be my own mental health journey. I wanted to be more proactive with my mental health, and I wanted to approach my journey with gentleness and a degree of autonomy. Even though my therapist already drew up a plan and a diagnosis for me, some people would still give unsolicited opinions about my journey, which would leave me confused and tempted to compromise the work that my therapist and I put in. Not to mention, the years of research and input that I’ve put in to help me navigate and advocate for my own neurodivergence might also be put to waste. Because of this experience, I vacillated between rage and resistance, confusion, and people-pleasing due to my sensitive nature. Thoughts like “What if I gave in to this person’s words and followed their advice like I owe them my life?” would pop into my head from time to time. But then again, my therapist would remind me that my brain is wired differently and that I have to practice a lot of self-compassion. I’m sensitive to rejection and various forms of feedback, and that I’ve gone through a lot of traumatic experiences early on in life, which attribute to the sensitivities that I carry in life.

BUT!!! Life does not always pan out according to what we’ve planned out, right? In most cases, it’s a higher power who lays out what’s best for us. Life never follows a set script. We all have our moments that are worth the pandodogshow, regardless if they were highs or lows. In my case, the enjoyment and silliness were there, but there were lows too.

Anyway, happy 2025. May this year be kind to you. And may you trust the process.

Until the next brain dump,
Lea